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Honored Beyond Belief!

I’m a bit behind on my upkeep here, but want to share with you how honored I am that my story, ‘The Road Only Bends for the Mountain’ submitted to ย https://thetsuruokafiles.wordpress.com/ ! won 1st place! This is incredible! Follow the link to see mine, and other oh, so talented Writers’ stories. When you get there, under recent posts, click on Mid-week Blues Buster week 3.10 to see all the incredible stories posted!

Here’s what our Judge, Angie Trafford had to say:

@PattyannMc โ€“ the road only bends for the mountain โ€“ this is a story that leaves you wondering what exactly happened to the protagonist. All that is left behind are the thoughts of what could have been. When the road finally bends she finds that she has been forgiven. I absolutely love this story, very well done.

And my newest badge of honor:

https://thetsuruokafiles.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/bbster.jpg

Holy . . . WOW! First Place . . .

I JUST learned my story, ‘SOME OTHER TIME’ won FIRST place onย theangryhourglass website and I can’t tell you how incredibly honored and excited I am at this news!

My thanks to Judge F.E. Clark for choosing my story, and a big CONGRATULATIONS to Catherine Connolly and Mark A. King for standing on the winners podium with me!

I’m invited to stand as a Judge of this competition the weekend of July 24th through July 25th and as scary as that sounds, I’m going for it; getting my feet wet as it were! I hope I can do this justice – No! I’m certain I can do this justice.

Just a quickie here today, but I’ll be back, and soon to showcase some writing and Writers! Until then . . .I’m Just Me, and damn it feels good today! ๐Ÿ™‚

Momma, I wish you were here to share this with me, but I’m certain you are, even though I can’t see you with my eyes anymore . . . I love you . . . Always . . .You made me who I am . . . Thank you . . .

After the Sadness

It’s been a while since I’ve looked at or added to my website. As some of you may already know, I lost my beautiful mom four weeks ago. It’s been the most painful experience of my life, and the most profound. I haven’t had the mental or emotional energy to come here to write lately, it hurt too much to think of having to make this entry, because mom was my most ardent and most loyal supporter. She’d always ask me if I posted anything new, and was always the first to read my scribblings, and now she’s gone, and it hurts to move on with this, or anything, without her by my side championing me onwards.

Some days are okay, four weeks after losing her, and some days I can barely breathe. It’s the littlest things that bring tears to my eyes too, like making a cup of tea in the evening when I’m winding my day down to a close. I always made two cups; one for her, and one for me and we’d enjoy then together watching our favorite shows, and now, with her gone, some nights, I still reach for her tea cup and teabag. I haven’t been able to remove her tea cup from the cabinet yet, I know I’m not ready to do that. Maybe one day, but today is not that day.

It’s been a struggle for me, knowing I have looming deadlines for the next several months, two of them, the end of June, and at first, the desire to write anything just wasn’t there. I couldn’t see past the wall of grief. I’ve finally begun moving again as far as pushing myself to sit down and write, and at first, it felt dreadful; like somehow I was moving on without her, but then it dawned on me, mom wouldn’t want me to stop writing. She wouldn’t want me to quit, not that I was thinking of doing that, but I know she’d want me to meet these deadlines coming up, she wouldn’t want me to bog down in grief. Her biggest dream was to see her kids achieve what it is we want to achieve, and so, I’m picking up speed on the writing track and finding my groove once again. And, the thought that she isn’t present to support me is ridiculous. I think, just because I can’t see her, doesn’t mean she isn’t with me in some way. I know she’s still supporting me, just on the other side of the veil.

This is why I’ve been away for a bit, and I just wanted you to know, I’m not stopping. I’m going for the gold ring, just like she’d want if she were here. She’s one of those who pushed me and lifted me when I thought I wanted to stop, but she didn’t let me. I’m blessed that she was still with me physically when a few of my stories were published for the first time! I’m so happy she got to live the experience with me, and share that incredible high that comes with your first time published. I’ll always remember the joy on her face and the look of utter pride in her eyes that day when I found out I was going to be published! I’m blessed to have those memories with her, and I’m blessed to have had her as my mom. I’ll always miss her, but I know, she’s always close by when I stumble. All I have to do is close my eyes and breathe, and I can feel her near me.

I won’t stop momma, and we’ll still make it happen together because you’re always in my heart and mind. 0326121945a

Some Background and the Beginning . . .

The hardest thing for me to do is to begin, so let me start with some background about myself. I’m just me.. a normal person, living a normal life, doing normal things like everyone else in the world. My life is full of responsibilities, and people I love. I have friends I adore, a little Westie who’s my heart, and my soul dog; that is to say, he’s my soul-mate, only he’s covered with white fur, his name is Angel. I’m an Artist who creates whatever is in my heart and mind to create. I don’t tend to create traditional art, but then what is traditional anyway, since art is entirely subjective?

I also write, though I haven’t had anything major published, just some of my poetry, but I’m currently in the process of writing a non-fiction book, a humorous, satirical piece. And speaking of satire; I have a wicked sense of humor! I smoke, and drink, I swear, I can be vulgar, and I enjoy going out to party with my friends like there’s no tomorrow! People that are closest to me think I’m anything but normal! They think I’m outrageous, a riot, gregarious, and some, even obnoxious, and that’s okay, I accept that. I’ll own it, if it’s mine to own, and I don’t mind. But I’m also moody, and some days, it seems like I swing by my emotions, and that’s okay too. You see, I’m just like everyone else; I think if we’re human beings, we’re all alike to some extent or the other. It’s just that, some, (like me), are more intense than others, and some are a bit on the tame side. We all share common traits though, and that’s the point I’m making here.

I have a softer side to me too, a side that only a few people really get to see. (I’ll tell you why that’s so in a minute.) But I tend to hide that part of me, and even those people closest to me don’t see that side too often. There are people out there who think that I’m a stony bitch, but that’s not the case at all! It’s not that I don’t want to show that side of me, but rather, it’s because I’m protective of myself, and my emotions. I am a survivor of child abuse. Don’t preach. I’ve done my healing, and it doesn’t hurt me to speak about it, and I certainly don’t dwell on it, but there are parts of that experience that stick to you like a piece of chewed gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe that you just can’t scrape off! And one of those things is, I tend to feel things more deeply than most. I feel more vulnerable, tender, and my feelings get hurt very easily, so I hide that part of me from most people, and therefore I protect myself from the cruelties of this world. But here’s the point I want to make.. because of the childhood abuse, I’ve learned to go to another place where it didn’t hurt so much. Some people in my past have labeled that as Dissociative Personality Disorder. I call it a gift from God! It saved me from taking a permanent leap off the deep end of my minds precipice! That ability gave me a place where I could escape what was happening to me. In that place I went to, I felt secure, and I felt the presence of God my Father there. (Yes, I know we could go into, if God was there why He didn’t stop the abuse from happening to begin with(?), but I’m not going to get into that diatribe with you, because I believe there IS a reason we all walk through the fire, so I’ll leave that for another discussion down the road). That experience gave me a knack for reading people too. I’ve become more sensitive to my surroundings, and with that sensitivity comes a gift. A gift of knowledge, of knowing, a gift of understanding. Maybe because I’ve the ability to cross barriers into another realm, another existence in my mind, I’ve opened myself up to the sensitivities of this Universe, to God, and maybe, just maybe, that’s why He uses someone like me.. with all of my flaws, all of my humanness, all of my issues. After all, I’m just me!
Next we’ll get to the beginning. More to come.. Stay tuned..