The hardest thing for me to do is to begin, so let me start with some background about myself. I’m just me.. a normal person, living a normal life, doing normal things like everyone else in the world. My life is full of responsibilities, and people I love. I have friends I adore, a little Westie who’s my heart, and my soul dog; that is to say, he’s my soul-mate, only he’s covered with white fur, his name is Angel. I’m an Artist who creates whatever is in my heart and mind to create. I don’t tend to create traditional art, but then what is traditional anyway, since art is entirely subjective?
I also write, though I haven’t had anything major published, just some of my poetry, but I’m currently in the process of writing a non-fiction book, a humorous, satirical piece. And speaking of satire; I have a wicked sense of humor! I smoke, and drink, I swear, I can be vulgar, and I enjoy going out to party with my friends like there’s no tomorrow! People that are closest to me think I’m anything but normal! They think I’m outrageous, a riot, gregarious, and some, even obnoxious, and that’s okay, I accept that. I’ll own it, if it’s mine to own, and I don’t mind. But I’m also moody, and some days, it seems like I swing by my emotions, and that’s okay too. You see, I’m just like everyone else; I think if we’re human beings, we’re all alike to some extent or the other. It’s just that, some, (like me), are more intense than others, and some are a bit on the tame side. We all share common traits though, and that’s the point I’m making here.
I have a softer side to me too, a side that only a few people really get to see. (I’ll tell you why that’s so in a minute.) But I tend to hide that part of me, and even those people closest to me don’t see that side too often. There are people out there who think that I’m a stony bitch, but that’s not the case at all! It’s not that I don’t want to show that side of me, but rather, it’s because I’m protective of myself, and my emotions. I am a survivor of child abuse. Don’t preach. I’ve done my healing, and it doesn’t hurt me to speak about it, and I certainly don’t dwell on it, but there are parts of that experience that stick to you like a piece of chewed gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe that you just can’t scrape off! And one of those things is, I tend to feel things more deeply than most. I feel more vulnerable, tender, and my feelings get hurt very easily, so I hide that part of me from most people, and therefore I protect myself from the cruelties of this world. But here’s the point I want to make.. because of the childhood abuse, I’ve learned to go to another place where it didn’t hurt so much. Some people in my past have labeled that as Dissociative Personality Disorder. I call it a gift from God! It saved me from taking a permanent leap off the deep end of my minds precipice! That ability gave me a place where I could escape what was happening to me. In that place I went to, I felt secure, and I felt the presence of God my Father there. (Yes, I know we could go into, if God was there why He didn’t stop the abuse from happening to begin with(?), but I’m not going to get into that diatribe with you, because I believe there IS a reason we all walk through the fire, so I’ll leave that for another discussion down the road). That experience gave me a knack for reading people too. I’ve become more sensitive to my surroundings, and with that sensitivity comes a gift. A gift of knowledge, of knowing, a gift of understanding. Maybe because I’ve the ability to cross barriers into another realm, another existence in my mind, I’ve opened myself up to the sensitivities of this Universe, to God, and maybe, just maybe, that’s why He uses someone like me.. with all of my flaws, all of my humanness, all of my issues. After all, I’m just me!
Next we’ll get to the beginning. More to come.. Stay tuned..