Monthly Archives: August 2015

Death Comes Unnaturally

I am a stonehearted, cold-blooded murderer. At least, that’s what others say of me. I prefer the term killer. It just seems, more colloquial, less intended. In addition, I like the play on words, and since I only kill women, my choice of ‘killer’ becomes ‘kill her!’ An inside joke that I find funny, but one you might not get.

Some have also labelled me a ‘psychopath,’ and I enjoy that label because I agree with it! No one would ever guess I run a multimillion-dollar company creating video games, but I do. By day, I’m a jeans-clad, T-shirt wearing businessman creating violent games for the masses who feed on killing gravatars without consequences. By night, I roam Central Park cloaked in my dark blue garb and polished black oxfords looking for stupid women who should’ve listened to their parents and not go out alone in the dark, especially in Central Park. It never ceases to amaze me how many women ignore that piece of good advice. I think perhaps they have an unsoiled notion that death comes unnaturally to other people, not themselves. That’s too bad – for them, but great for me and my hobby! Those creatures that think they’re invincible feed my insatiable hunger for murder and mayhem! I crave the sight and taste of blood, and if I could experience emotion, it’s probably the closest I can get to happy.

I’m a celebrity these days. I see the news; I hear them calling me a Serial Killer, and I smile at that title. I’ve definitely earned it. Seventeen women so far, since I began feeding my desires, and since no one knows who I am, I’m planning to continue my hobby. I’m hoping I can beat Theodore Robert Cowell, aka Ted Bundy’s record! As far as I know, reports state he admitted to killing over 100 people, though not all were women. My plan is to kill far more than that, only I want all my victims to be women! I feel darned accomplished, and I know the system backwards and forwards, so I think I can beat my idols record and not break a sweat.

I have quite the year ahead of me and I’m excited to ratchet up the stakes, and I believe I can do that since its early spring and the girls are crawling out of the woodwork! All these babes running through the park trying to get their bloated winter bodies in shape for summer fun; it’s almost too easy. Too bad some of them won’t get to enjoy their summers, slipping into skimpy bikinis, hanging onto their boyfriends arms as they strut their stuff at the beach. They’ll wish they went to the gym instead.

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Last evening was quite the thrill for me as the sun slowly waned. I went walking in the park, looking for my next victim, and I found her. She was stunning too, even if she was flushed and sweaty from her run. She had the most gorgeous head of jet hair, long and pulled into a ponytail. Her turquoise eyes were the truest turquoise I’ve ever seen; it was almost a shame I choose her, but she was so satisfying. I couldn’t help myself. I really enjoyed Jess, and she never for a second saw it coming! Oh sure, she was apprehensive at first, just like the others, but after I introduced myself, showing her my credentials, she relaxed; just like the others. Works every time!

We sat on a park bench for a long while, talking. I shared my adventures as a video game developer and she shared that she specifically loved my, ‘Murder in the Dark’ game. Said she played it every chance she got when she wasn’t on a modeling gig. That made me happy, or as happy as I can get, and it made me feel more connected to her; we had something in common. I’d decided right then, I’d make it a point of asking future selections if they liked playing video games, because the feeling of being that connected amped up the excitement even more!

I not going to bore you with the conversations we had. It was ‘getting to know you’ stuff and not stimulating at all, but I think she really liked me and thought maybe she had a shot at dating me, which made me giddy, since I already knew where this chance meeting was heading. I will confess, I did give pause to my plans for a hot second, but quickly dismissed it when my hunger overpowered my need for a date.

That hunger always begins the same way with a juicy, hot metallic taste in my mouth. I guess I’m like a German shepherd; once I get a taste of blood, I want more. I feel charged up, like I’ve been sucking on an electrical cable full of juice, and my loins get tingly. My hands and legs grow numb and my vision narrows to a pinprick as I focus on one aspect on my woman’s face. This time, it was Jess’s turquoise eyes. They were simply stunning. Her smile was beautiful too, all those glistening, perfect teeth, but they scared me at the same time! All I could think of was how easily they could bite through my flesh.

When I’m in the zone, I can actually feel my mind disconnecting from reality, the longer I focus on a part of my woman’s face, and then anger rushes over me, consuming me. Not sure why that happens. I don’t really understand it, but a while ago, a therapist said it had something to do with being angry with my mom. I disagreed. My mom died when I was five, so I don’t think I have any reason to be upset with her, other than she died when I was five, but that wasn’t her fault. So no, I don’t think it has anything to do with my mom. And, just in case you’re wondering, I don’t have a specific type. I choose any hair color, eye color and body type, so none of my victims reminds me of mom either. So long as they’re female, they’re fair game for me.

I acted as if I was smitten with her; she played coy with me, trying to entice me to ask her out on a date. Though, when I leaned in to kiss her, she backed away, and I could feel a little fear take hold of her. She stood to leave. I know I moved too fast for her, but I already knew what was going to happen. I actually did ask her out on a date, just to put her at ease once again, and it worked. She sat back down beside me and we resumed our flirting. I asked myself if I would’ve pursued her had she actually walked away, but that didn’t happen, so it’s moot. I leaned in again to kiss her, and this time, she responded. She had the nicest lips, and I have to say, I really enjoyed it!

We held hands as we went for a stroll further into the park; she was relaxed. We were somewhere close to the center, the day turned into dusk and I saw my chance, the park mostly empty. I pulled her behind a boulder, and as she was about to protest, I placed my lips against hers and gave her the smokiest kiss I could. She seemed to like it, so I ran my hand over her body and I felt her nipples responding. She confessed she’d never done anything like this in public before and she groaned loudly when I placed my hand between her legs, fondling her. Things got rough for her after that, and I can’t give you any details, because I don’t recall all of them, other than, I slipped a garrote from my pocket; I seemed to disappear completely into another place.

For the record, a garrote is not my weapon of choice. That would be my hunting knife! The serrated edge does a nice job of mangling their beautiful faces and sexual organs, and I almost feel like Jack the Ripper! I keep that stowed in its sheath down the back of my pants, uncomfortable, yes, but necessary to get the job done.

After I had my morning coffee, I had an incredible experience as I stood with a group of spectators near the crime scene. An inspector was there, dressed in a makeshift hazmat suit so he didn’t sully the area, examining the body of poor Jess who was already in a body bag, her blood seeping through the cheap canvas, and I was hoping they’d put me to work since I was wearing my Police uniform. Did I tell you, I used to be a N.Y.C. cop? I still have my old badge too. Is it any wonder those women trusted me? However, I’d like to believe it’s my charm.

Honored Beyond Belief!

I’m a bit behind on my upkeep here, but want to share with you how honored I am that my story, ‘The Road Only Bends for the Mountain’ submitted to  https://thetsuruokafiles.wordpress.com/ ! won 1st place! This is incredible! Follow the link to see mine, and other oh, so talented Writers’ stories. When you get there, under recent posts, click on Mid-week Blues Buster week 3.10 to see all the incredible stories posted!

Here’s what our Judge, Angie Trafford had to say:

@PattyannMc – the road only bends for the mountain – this is a story that leaves you wondering what exactly happened to the protagonist. All that is left behind are the thoughts of what could have been. When the road finally bends she finds that she has been forgiven. I absolutely love this story, very well done.

And my newest badge of honor:

https://thetsuruokafiles.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/bbster.jpg

Change Your Thinking . . .

I tweeted this earlier, but it bears repeating.

I’ve heard it said, “True freedom is not about having money. It’s about waking up every morning with joy in your heart, looking forward to your day, and loving what you do!” I am FREE, are you?

Change your thinking, and you’ll change your life, has been my motto for a few years now. It’s wasn’t easy at first, all those negative thoughts in my head, conditioned from years of listening to negative speakers, and negative thinkers. Conditioned and relayed through the negative messages of this world, and I swallowed it, hook, line and sinker. (So sorry for the cliche, but it’s apropos.) One day back then, I grew my own brain.

It was because of something I read, though today, I can’t remember exactly what it was, but it changed the course of my life. I realized that day, life is not about a destination. It’s not about reaching a final goal, or crossing a finish line somewhere up ahead in the distance, in the future, no. Instead, it’s all about the journey of life. The days I/we travel, sometimes trudge through, as if walking through quicksand, getting mired in the quest, but it’s all a part of the journey of life. Not all days are great days, and not all days are difficult days. If we’d only realize that the good, the bad, the somewhat, ahem days and the brilliant days, filled with all the good things of this life, is the course and nature of our lives, we’d all be so much happier! The thing of it is, when you can say to yourself on those days that are taxing and seem like they’ll never end, “This too shall pass,” and realize through every valley there is a peak, you’ll breathe easier knowing a rainbow follows every storm. It helps us to appreciate those brilliant days.

So, one day, I changed my thinking. Every time I had a negative thought, every time I told myself I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t a good enough writer, or I didn’t deserve better, or believed I was nothing as I was told by my father, I consciously stopped myself in my tracks and turned my thoughts around! I said instead, “I am good enough. I’m somebody. I have promise. I have dreams that are attainable. I’m a good person. I deserve better.” And, every time I believed I was a failure, or I had nothing, I turned that around too. Instead of speaking the things I didn‘t want from this life, I began speaking the things I DO want!

For example, instead of saying I’m broke, or I’m sick, or I don’t have this or that, I now say, I have enough to pay my bills and buy groceries, and more will come when it’s time, and it seems my money always stretches. Instead of saying I’m sick, I say instead, I’m healthy and this is just a cold which will go away, and I always feel better sooner, rather than later. I don’t use poisonous flea treatments on my little West Highland Terrier, Angel, so I always worried and said, Please don’t let him get fleas. Guess what? He’d end up with a flea on him! Now I say, he’s flea-free! And guess what, and praise Almighty, he doesn’t get fleas anymore! Not one!

You see, what happens is, when you think or speak negative things, you’re actually drawing that energy from the universe. What you fear will come, because you dwell upon it, and fear is a strong emotion, so trust me when I say, those negative things will come. All those negative things you don’t want in your life. So turn your thinking and your speech around, and you’ll start drawing the things you DO want. I’m not kidding. I want every one I know, every one who reads this to feel the joy I feel. And in case you might be wondering, no I don’t feel happy clappy, easy-peasy every single day, but I don’t stress about it, because I know every one has an off day once in a while. I get through that day as best I can, continually reminding myself that, this too shall pass, and consciously turning my thoughts to the positive and before I know it, I’m through it and on to the next day feeling sunny and happy!

It didn’t happen for me overnight, and it probably won’t for you either. It took a while to condition and force myself to see only the positive, to think of positive thoughts, to learn how to change my negative speech into positive speech, and I’m still learning, only now, I’m conscious of what I say. I don’t say things like, “Go to hell,” to someone. I don’t damn myself or those I know, because those are negative traits. I try hard not to judge or condemn others knowing every one has their own crosses to bear, but I know for a fact, those crosses become less of a burden when you change your thinking. I want to be as uplifting as I can be to myself and others. I want to bless people with my trials and errors, and my success at what I know to be tried and true, because I’m the proof of the matter.

If you wait in this life to reach your destination, trust me when I say, you’ll have died before that happens and you’ll have spent your life waiting for nothing. Let go of the negative thoughts in your mind, and let go of the negative words you speak. Let go of old hurts, sorrows and stress, guilt, hate, and judgement; people are not ours to judge. Realize every thing happens for a reason, and there is a season for ALL things. What you desire comes to you just when it’s supposed to, in the way that you have need of it. Trust those truths. Turn yourself around, face the light of the sun, experience the stars in all their glory. Think lightly, positively and keep at it until you don’t have to think about it anymore, it’ll come naturally; and I promise you, YOU will start to change. Your LIFE will start to change. You’ll see more of the things you desire begin happening! And don’t stop, keep going and enjoy YOUR JOURNEY, because it is, after all, YOUR journey to enjoy! I’m enjoying mine, I’m happy and fulfilled, I’m still and always will be a student of life, and I love it, because that’s the way I roll and I’m Just Me . . .

Thank you for taking the time to read my meanderings and as always, please be so kind as to leave a comment, and if you enjoy what you’ve read here, please SHARE ME! 😀