Monthly Archives: May 2014

WOWZA!

Wow, what a ride!

Over the course of the last few months I’ve been furiously working on my humorous memoir, ‘TTITC’ and I’m happy, no, exhilarated to say, “It. Is. Finished.” I wrote the last word two days ago and I still can’t breathe. Though to tell you the truth, I didn’t think I would feel so sad over it at the same time. I’m happy and ecstatic, true, but those emotions are tinged with a feeling of sadness. Perhaps this is a natural reaction in saying farewell to a book that I’ve nurtured and coddled over the last six or seven years. One that I’ve cried and laughed over, hated and loved, treated carefully and ignored for months on end, but in the end, one that I always came back to. Working day and night, many a night burning the midnight oil over and not truly knowing if I’d ever finish or not. I don’t really know, beings it’s the first full-length novel I’ve completed and one that is so intensely and personally connected to me. And so I wonder, is this a normal reaction?

It seems to me like it’s taken a very long time to finish and I think part of it was my fear of finishing it. I think I became complacent with it, because I wanted to have something to love and not love at the same time, and it gave me something to feel excited over and yet complain about every day, but it also gave me motivation knowing I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t finish it. Perhaps I’m feeling sad over writing the last word because I have to find a way to let go of my child? Because that’s what the books and stories I write are, children. I’ve loved and nurtured my stories just like I’ve done for my human children, and it took years to get them (my human children) to a place of independence so I’m guessing it might be the same for a book or story that I’ve created and bore from my creative pool!

So now I find I must figure out how to let it go and move on to the next chapter (pun intended) of my writing life which is already in progress with a horror fiction I’ve been working on. I’ve been looking forward¬†to getting back to those friends of mine who have been patiently waiting for me while I finished the memoir, and now with ‘TTITC’ finally finished I can turn my full and undivided attention back to them and their lives! I look forward to getting reacquainted with the friends I have there, and I hope they are willing to move forward with me once again. That is to say, I hope I have the chops to change gears and move from the memoir into the fiction and do it well. I’m pretty certain it’s going to be a painless transition, I just need to do some heavy reviewing and get my mind back to that temperament and I can’t wait to see how the horror fiction turns out!

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A Moment In The Sun

Just a meander . . .

I lay back on my blanket, having a moment in the Sun. I go from ordinary to extraordinary, and close my eyes! I feel the Sun warm my browning skin, dancing on the surface of my body like butterflies alighting and dancing across me. I hear the gentle sigh of the breezes as they move past my ears, and I’m enchanted by the sound. The birds are chirping happily in the boughs above me, as the sun dappled tree tops gently sway. I am whisked away to imagination, and, it, is, extraordinary!

There’s so much more to life, I know, then four walls and struggles, as I transport my mind to . . .

The freedom to be myself, deep, unfettered, unwavering. Take the time to understand me, not just know me, but know me. Dig deeper to get to me. Share those parts of yourself with me and let’s trust each other with our deepest, most honest truths. True freedom. To be who I am, and know that I’m accepted. Loved. Needed. Beautiful.

Do you want to know who I am? Take the time to see.

I’ve scaled the tallest of Mountains standing in the midst of the most secluded, pristine forests. I was alone. I walked in quiet solitude as I learned of my strengths, my bravery. I saw my weaknesses and overcame them as I scaled the slopes of the summit, and came out on the pinnacle of self-awareness.

I’ve swam the deepest, murkiest of water in the greatest, most vast Ocean. I was alone. I swam in solitude as I learned of my deepest burdens, and worst fears. I saw them and overcame them as I willingly swam to the depths of that Ocean and then broke the surface of achievement over the darkness.

I’ve floated in Outer Space. The quiet was overwhelming and frightening. I was alone. The only voice I heard was my own as I faced all the uncertainties and challenges life has handed me so far. I went to places that no other man or woman had traversed before, to face the emptiness inside of me, and what I found there was, that I am connected, to you, to myself, to a tether of all the positive energy of the universe.

I’ve walked through the desert, barren, void, arid. I was alone. I reached mirage after mirage, hoping that I had found water, and in spite of my debilitating thirst, I continued to the next oasis until I found what I sought . . . knowledge. I had climbed the sands of time, to realize I haven’t learned all there is to know. I need to learn more, but in realizing that, I understand that to learn I must have the desire to learn, and so I shall.

I’ve walked beside calm lakes, and through snowy fields, through turbulence and calamity, peace and kindness. I’ve stroked the most magnificent beasts, and the tamest of lambs. I’ve loved all manner of creatures and a single blade of grass, a rainbow, and the stars, and what I found through laying still and knowing that I am, is that where I am, where I walk and who I love, God is with me in all things. And where I thought I traveled alone, He was with me every step of the way. I’ve found healing and unconditional love, I found my soul, I found me. As the Sun continues to warm my skin I remember all that I’ve overcome, and imagine all the possibilities of this life that have yet to come. I know as I lay on my blanket, reveling in the warmth, that I am healed, I am whole, and I’m Just Me . . .

Resurrecting Blog!

“Okay everyone, on my mark. Ready with the paddles? Clear!” PaCHA.
Blogs body jumps with the jolt, but remains lifeless.
“Again! Ready? Clear!” PaCHA.
Blogs body jumps yet again, but still nothing is happening.
“One more time. Ready? Clear!” PaCHA.
“Okay, that’s great everyone. Good job! I think Blog’s got a pulse now, and welcome back . . .”

I know I’ve been away for quite awhile and there’s no excuse, but you knew I’d be back, didn’t you? Of course you did. Well, here I am. My apologies to you all if you have missed me. I’ll give you a brief rundown. Life happened. Life handed me too many curve balls to keep up with since last Summer and something had to give and my social platforms were the targets, especially my Twitter and blogging habits, but the good news is, I’ve dealt with all that was handed to me, successfully, might I add and now I’m here again, and it’s good to be back!

So you know, I didn’t give up on everything, I’ve kept up with my writing and in fact, I’ve written quite a few short stories during my absence from you and the most exciting thing is, I’ve worked diligently writing and reworking my humorous memoir ‘TTITC’ and it is nearly finished. One little epilogue to write and few little surprise additions to go into the book, a line edit through a few of the most recent chapters and then it will be completed! And can I tell you how excited I am about this? Now I simply need to do a bit of research and more importantly, grow a pair of testicles to actually send my book to people! This is all new and uncharted territory for me, and I don’t mind telling you, I’m scared to death. But don’t you worry. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. After all, I’ve figured out how to get from a blank page to the end of my first almost completed book through trial and error, learning and then learning some more, and in many cases through sheer terror, filled with doubts and self-criticism and lots of bleeding on my pages. I’ve learned the hard way, if I’m going to write, I’m going to bleed – a lot! Which is what I’ve been doing. Bleeding the truth as I know it, bleeding emotion as I feel it and continuing to work through all of it!

My other novel, the horror fiction is still in progress though I took a hiatus from it to concentrate on my memoir since it’s been a WIP for the last six or seven years, and truth told, its time has come to move on from it, and since I can’t leave something unfinished, ever, I have no choice within me but to finish it and I’m glad, ecstatic I’m doing just that! Though I’m chomping at the bit to get back to the horror fiction. Ideas and more plot comes to me daily and if I’m being honest, I miss my friends that are waiting for me in there. Soon.

Once I’m back to that one full-time, I have another that I need to start, again. There’s a book in me, and I’ve shared with you about it once before, that I had written a very long time ago and was counseled to burn, which if you remember, I did like an idiot, but the story remains in me so it must be one I have to tell, and I will. It seems that I can’t ever write just one thing at a time! I know it would be better for me if I could learn how to do that, scale down to just one WIP, but I have to tell you, I don’t roll that way and there are reasons for it which I think I’ll address in another blog. It’ll be a bit scary to share those reasons with you, but so you’ll understand why I always seem to have two full-length novels and a short story or two going on at the same time, I ought to share, and I hope that it will help some other soul out there struggling with the same issues, so look for that in an upcoming Blog of mine.

For now, know that I’m working hard for my passion, for my craft, for me and remember I write the way I write, and I roll the way I roll because . . . I’m Just Me.